I wonder how long it will take to feel 'normal' again. When will I stop consciously thinking about being single, and actually be a single person. Or just A person. I should not be defining myself by my relationship status. But it feels like it is consuming my life.
I guess when you spend four years in a relationship loving someone day in and day out, saying good morning, good afternoon, good night, snapping pictures of me and the pup sending them along for a smile, making Friday night date plans, etc.. and all the sudden it is gone, you really don't know what to do with yourself.
So, I spent the first week trying to preoccupy myself with things I thought would fill the void, and they did for a minute, but at the end of the day, all I am left with is me. And I am nothing more than an empty shell.
I guess for as lonely as I felt throughout my relationship, its not even as close to being as deep and troubling as how lonely I feel now. This isn't a "being with people" lonely, because I can be in a room full of people and still feel it. It's a disconnect from myself, and a disconnect from the feeling of love.
I had an idea that the worst part would be the first few days, but I was wrong. Each day it gets just a little worse. I wonder why.
3 comments:
I've been there. You know what? Here's a cliche for you. "It gets easier" and then... Its great. Every side has pros and cons. You just learn to start taking the good with the bad.
"When will I stop consciously thinking about being single, and actually be a single person. Or just A person."
I don't know when or why people started viewing the 'single' version of themselves as bad. It's really not. Take advantage of this time, make the most of it. Be selfish when you have the opportunity of doing so without effecting a significant other.
What do I know, I'm just a dude.
well my friend, i know every situation is completely different and i used to hate when people would say "i know how you feel" (it made me angry.. no one knew how i felt and could understand), but ill tell you what... reading this blog... i DO know how you feel... your words expressed my thoughts 10 months ago.
it gets harder for a while.... certain things will remind you and bring it all back to the surface. but then one day you wake up and make the decision to move forward. it's been 10 months and it has gotten easier. there are still a few days here and there that are difficult to make it through without something reminding you... but i promise you will survive this. you are not alone.
I originally started my blog almost 3 years ago to sort of chronicle the transition of being one part of "Stacey and Jesse" to being "Just Jesse".
I think when you truly care about someone, that feeling never goes away. But at some point in time it finally becomes accepted, and at that point it's a bit easier.
The one thing I'll say that I've found is that I grow more as a single person than I do as a coupled. In the past 3 years I've become more patient, more understanding, and more knowledgeable in ways that wouldn't have happened had I not been single. Hopefully you've started to find the same.
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