I had been dreading this past Saturday (11/15) because it was the "would be 4-year anniversary" day with my ex... and marked the "two week anniversary" of our breakup. I knew I would be a wreck, and I was. I cried several times throughout the day, in public. I spent a ton of money on clothes and wine glasses. I drove around aimlessly trying to keep myself occupied. Then I went home, showered, ordered pizza, had a glass of wine and fell asleep on the couch.
It was a bad day.
But I woke up Sunday morning relieved, because Saturday was over. I can move on and past this tough time in my life with a new found appreciation for what is to come. I have no more "sad" benchmarks, and I realized that the past two weeks I have been sad because I was telling myself to be sad. I think it's natural, but I am happy that I don't want to feel sad anymore, and I wont be. Not for me, anyway.
I know that our relationship was over when I moved out in June, it just took me 5 months to let go of the fear and sadness I felt in my heart. I guess the sadness I have left is for him, because although I started my process (Denial, Fear, Anger, Bargaining, Guilt, Depression, Acceptance) quite a while ago, he is just at the beginning. I know in time he will realize that we are better off and that this was the right decision, but until then I think I am going to be stuck feeling guilty. I really wish he would find some chick to bang so he would feel better.
That's kind of twisted.
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