New Blog

Probably should have mentioned I started a new blog over at www.amberthepuma.com

See ya there!

Time for a change

This weekend almost killed me.

Hi, I am Amber, the Idiot.

I was reminded last night how it feels to be unimportant. I was reminded this morning how it feels when you find out the reason you are unimportant.

It's funny how you can be the last person or thought on someones mind when they have something distracting them. Especially if that something is a little blond with her boyfriend out of town for the night.

I wonder if I am better off now knowing that I am a complete idiot. When your gut tells you something is wrong, it means something is wrong. I solidly vow to myself that I will listen to my instincts from this point forward.

Oh, and fuck guys. Every last one of you (except my dad- he is a good guy)

And the beat goes on . . .

After a four month break from my blog, I realized that I missed having an outlet to share my thoughts and feelings. I don't keep paper journals any more because I always forget to use them or have this fear that someone will read them unsuspectingly.

I also have not been reading others blogs. This is rude, I know. I promise to catch up on all of you.

The past four months have been busy, stressful, fun, challenging, warm, sad, exciting, new and filled with a lot of new.

I bought a house, finalized a breakup, spent every cent to my name, took a girls trip, started connecting with my family, started at least five diets, and a bunch of other things that I just really cant remember right now.

My goal with re-insertion into the blogging world is to not bitch and moan about things that piss me off, so if you can help keep me on track, I would appreciate it :)

It's interesting that the decisions you think won't really impact you end up being the ones that change you the most.

Life is confusing.

M.I.A.

I have not written a blog in a while over here because I started a new blog that I basically write notes to Dallas (my BF) in. I know that is obscenely cheezy, but he likes it and it gives me an outlet to share my feelings about things without making conflict. I recommend you try it if you have stuff to get off your chest. It also acts as a nice timeline... allows you to document events you have together.

Anywho... I have a lot going on right now. We are one week away from moving into the new office. This has been a giant pain and stressor, but I am excited for the end result. I went over there this morning and all they need to do is lay the carpet and some last finishing touches. It's really exciting.

I am in the initial stages of buying a house. Just waiting for my financing to come through so I can make an offer. It's amazing how much there is going on in the real estate market right now, even with the 'recession.' I really hope someone doesnt buy my house before I can put in an offer. The sucky thing is that it is a short sale, so it could be three months before I hear back! Ack!

So, I am all cheezy in love. It feels amazing. People hate me and don't want to hear about it. I forgot what it's like to be bitter. Thank god.

My man is the best!

I loooooooooooooove flowers :)

I really love when I get them for no reason :)

oh and P.S. ...

Being in love with someone who loves YOU back ... is such an amazing feeling :)

As the page turns..

Sometimes getting to the bottom of things is the most challenging part of life. Working through or dealing with thoughts and feelings is never easy, but its necessary. I realize I had been putting some soul searching off for a while, afraid of what I would find. Luckily, because I am a giant pussy, I was forced to sort through all of this shit circling through my brain and heart, and we all had a little pow wow.

I cannot tell you how excited I am about this, because I feel like a blindfold has been lifted from my eyes and it has really allowed me to see. Where once it seemed like my head existed separately from the rest of my body, I now feel whole. Complete.

What's more important is that I am now truly free to love uninhibited and happily. All of the inhibitions and fear that I once felt is resolved, and the past two days I have felt so free and happy.

I am so stoked about this new chapter in my life!

10 Things I Have Learned Recently

1. My ex boyfriend is quite possibly the largest prick on the planet.

2. Gaining 15lbs in 3 months is 450 time easier than losing 15lbs in a year. Go figure.

3. Antibiotics + alcohol REALLY REALLY REALLY do not mix.

4. Throwing up olive tapenade is the worst possible thing imagineable

5. You can become french in four days by not shaving your arm pits.

6. Silicone breast implants feel way better and way more natural than saline.

7. People get pot hangovers? (it wasnt me, I dont smoke)

8. A good filing cabinet is extremely expensive.

9. My dog will eat ANYTHING. Razors, moldy pizza, paper, hair clips, etc etc

10. 'Black & White' People hardxcore clash with 'Grey' people.

R O Y G B V

Why do I only blog when I'm upset? Actually, I'm not upset. I just have that horrible feeling you get when you know something is about to go terribly wrong. I'm hoping that it's just my body reacting poorly to the Cardinals loss.

I'm a very black and white person, and I operate best when I live within black and white rules. When I start seeing things in grey, things get topsy turvy and I feel like the world is crashing down on me.

Life is so much easier when you think in zeros and ones. The problems start when you read between the lines, look for deeper meaning in things, waste time worrying about potential outcomes or project your thoughts and feelings onto other people.

I feel like I'm floating on a river right now being tossled from bank to bank and I can't seem to find good footing on shore. Everything is liquid. I want solid.

Oh, Nine

Wow. I am so incredibly motivated and I have no clue why. Generally it takes me a while to get back into the flow of things, but my new health program has already sunk in and my new way of thinking seems to be working as well!

My big goal this year is to be healthy. This is going to require the most effort because I have spent the past three months destroying my body. I started day one of a cleansing program today. I will let you know how it goes when I am done in 10seven days.

Overall I am really glad to see 2008 gone. It was such a big year of transition and self discovery for me, and I am excited to face the new challenges of 2009 with the knowledge and experience of this past year behind me.

I have one loose end to tie up, and I cannot seem to figure out how to do it. I learned to listen to my heart this past year, but I can't stop letting my head get in the way on this one. I think I need some Nathan advice.

Well anyways, welcome 2009. I am happy to have you here.

Ketchup

Well, it appears that I have not "blogged" in about 13 days. What's funny is I went to my paper journal at home to write last week and it was about the same amount of time since I wrote there. Yes, I have a paper journal. That's where all the juicy stuff goes ;-)

This was by far the best Christmas I ever had. I was so stoked to see my family open their gifts, and I could have cared less if I got anything. It was amazing to spend Christmas Eve and all of Christmas Day without having to run off somewhere else or split time with Bryan's family. I thought I would feel a little emptier, but the truth is, it felt so right.

I finished recording my bass tracks last night. Drums, guitar and bass are done, now we just have to record vocals. We should have three songs ready to roll early next week, then I can start pestering everyone to buy a ticket for our show on the 17th.

Light rail is open! I am super stoked. It is really going to be a great asset to a lot of people, including me, and I look forward to the opportunity to ride it often. The actual opening day was not really put together well, but hey, this is Phoenix.

No huge NYE plans... going to hang with my crew at a friends house.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Blackberry Storm. I am so excited I decided to get it :)

I think that is about all for now. I will try to keep up and write more than once every two weeks.

Ciao~

As Paula Abdul Said, "Rush, Rush" ....

Instant gratification is an interesting thing. The 'Power of Now' becomes so overwhelming that people are willing to compromise quality and longevity just so that they can have what they want the moment they want it.

Every time you purchase anything, and this is probably true for relationships as well, you engage in the "Price - SPeed - Quality" trifecta, and the most you can ever end up with is two out of the three.

I'm specifically talking about my band and recording our EP. The boys so desparately want to have something recorded that they are willing to sacrifice the quality of the project for the speed, and there is a huge conflict over home recording versus studio recording that brings price into play.

To me, the quality of the project is most important, which means that home recording is out, and obviously the speed of completion is slowed.

One out of three, no matter how you look at it. Why does it seem that I am the only one with the right priorities?

Just wait one second, reality... I'm enjoying myself here

I'm controlled. I rationalize every situation before I enter it. I make decisions with my head after running through all possible outcomes. Kind of like a robot. A guarded robot.

But every now and again I make the decision to stop. I just let go. My heart gets a chance to breathe. It's in that moment that I am truly happy. I can really feel. And be.

I hope that reality waits just a little while to sink in, because this feels so good.

I am SO embarassed to admit, that in the past 30 days, I have spent $1,547.03 on my debit card alone on going out... whether it is for breakfast, lunch, coffee or drinks. Basically my "meals and entertainment" category.

OH
MY
GOD

Life has a really funny way of working itself out.

Sometimes you just know better, but you cannot help yourself, and just when things are about to spiral horribly out of control, something happens and the solution presents itself in an undeniable way.

My solution presented itself as a result of an interesting story of lesbian anal sex (a story I heard, not participated in). I'm pretty sure I never could have anticipated a story of lesbian anal sex being a solution to anything, but that is why this blog is entitled "Life has a really funny way of working itself out."

In the end all parties are better off and it all makes sense. Otherwise, I would probably consider meandering out into the I-10 on my lunch break.

Who wants a candy cane?

I'll admit, I have been in a slump. I have been whiny, crabby, angry, depressed and generally pretty miserable. And rightfully so.

But today. Today I am no longer miserable because the universe has balanced and brought to me the most amazing of amazing things: The Holiday Season

I may be the only person who actually looks forward to writing out Christmas cards. I may enjoy each Starbucks Gingerbread Latte a little too much. I may tap my foot a little too vigorously to Christmas tunes. I may even nauseate my house guests with the smell of candy cane candles.

But I could care less because no matter what happens, I will be blissfully ignorant for the next 35 days delighting in the smells, sights and sounds of the season.

The Absence

I woke up really sore this morning, but relished in it, because once the pain is gone I will appreciate its absense so much more.

I Love Machete Incidents

A southern Arizona man known as "Chops" was sentenced Thursday for using a machete to attack a man who refused to give him a beer.

Angelo Antonio, 38, of Sells was sentenced in Tucson to six years in federal prison for assault on the Tohono O'odham Indian Reservation. He had pleaded guilty on Sept. 3 and sentenced by a U.S. District Court judge on Thursday.

Antonio attacked another man with a machete on Dec. 1, 2006 in the Pisinimo Village. He became angry when the victim's friends refused to give him a beer, and the men began fighting.

Antonio struck the victim on the head with the machete and stabbed him in the back. The victim treated at a Tucson hospital, where he stayed for three days.

I think the lesson we learn here is to never deny a man named "Chops" a beer.